Life Lesson

Over my entire life it seems, I have ever so slowly been learning just one thing - Not my will, but Thy will be done. "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above", but even good and beautiful things become an idol when we desire these gifts more than the Gift-giver. Even when God take away or withhold good gifts, I will give thanks for this is how He draw me closer to Him. As David prays, "O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You." So please Lord, strip me of my idols, take away my sins, purge away any choking thorns, strip me until I am bare... until I am Yours and Yours alone. 

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord 

Hurricane - Jimmy Needham

Echoes of St. Augustine

(photo from Anhui, China)

St. Augustine spelling out my own thoughts in his Confessions over 1600 years ago...

"These things I did not at that time know, and I was in love with those lower beauties. I was sinking into the very depths and I said to my friends: 'Do we love anything save what is beautiful? What then is beautiful? and what is beauty? What is it that allures us and delights us in the things we love? Unless there were grace and beauty in them they could not possibly draw us to them.'"

"'...He made this world and is not far from it.' For He did not simply make it and leave it: but as it is from Him so it is in Him. See where He is, wherever there is a savour of truth: he is in the most secret place of the heart, yet the heart has strayed from Him... Where are you going, to what bleak places? Where are you going? The good that you love is from Him: and insofar as it is likewise for Him it is good and lovely... You seek happiness of life in the land of death, and it is not there. For how shall there be happiness of life where there is no life? But our Life came down to this earth and took away our death, slew death with the abundance of His own life...For He did not delay but rushed on, calling to us by His death, life, descent, and ascension to return to Him. And He withdrew from our eyes, that we might return to our own heart and find Him..." 

I'm always intrigued when people from the past seem to write what's on my mind. It's as if my thoughts were being echoed backwards through time. It reminds that my thoughts are nowhere near as original or as "my own" as I thought them to be. Still it reminds me at least that I'm not going crazy--a good thing for someone who thinks way too much! (For more detail of how this passage relate to my own thoughts, go to this post)

I need Thee every hour

Can't get enough of this CD while studying for finals:

At the height of my workload stress, I tend to have mini mental breakdowns that eventually leads to existential crises. I'm not kidding. It goes something like this: Gosh, finals are so pointless, I don't care about this anyway. In a course of a lifetime, what does it matter? Why am I even doing this? What should I be doing? What am I doing with my life? I wish I had more time to figure it out but now I have to study for my stupid finals... And which this leads me to just sit there or blog when I should be studying, like right now. Great huh? The only thing that keeps myself sane is being reminded of the amazing truths of God. I've learned through the years that as a very introspective person, my mind is often my worst enemy. Better not to listen to myself, but be reminded by the Word of Truth and His promises. That's why I love this CD so much. Classic hymns, uplifting verses grounded on Biblical truth, arranged in a nice contemporary style... with simple yet powerful reminders such as this:

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.

My Declaration of Dependence

My life motto has always been: "suck it up."

But at what point does "sucking it up" actually buries the pain so deeply and ignores it so that all is left is a hardened and apathetic heart void of emotion?

There is also a sense of prideful self-sufficiency in sucking it up. I am learning that I can't do it anymore. I must become weak in order for Him to say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

sometimes, I wish I can just make everyone look up

The night sky has been amazingly clear this past week,
And if everyone looked up once in awhile, he/she might just find wonders on display...

while you're at it, take a picture.

One good thing about snowboarding is that even while you're just sitting there on your butt, seriously considering giving up the whole venture of snowboarding altogether after falling for the bajillionth time... at least there is a magnificent view and fresh snow :)