Solitude

One of the biggest challenges in being a young adult is learning to be OK with being alone. It's easy to feel worthless, unloved, and uncared for when you are all by yourself. Some people avoid it at all costs; many people fill their lives with distractions; almost everyone cannot stand it for extended periods of time.

However, I found this note I quickly jotted down a couple months ago. It reads,

"There's a sense of aloneness that is empowering.. The feeling of being all alone with no one having a clue where you are and what you do . the feeling of tremendous power and independence. You can finally do and think and feel what you are. No one is stopping you from anything- tears, worship, dancing, laughter. You breathe and you are. Just you and your creator and how he created you to be."

Maybe I'm on the path of becoming a recluse. All I can say is for once in my life, I was thankful for complete and utter solitude.

Refined by Fire

I routinely ask God to increase my faith in Him. It is my sincere desire to love Him more. It is also His desire that I be sanctified. But little did I expect Him to respond to this request with trials that would expose all the ugliness of my heart and show me how little I actually love Him.

I will never again take this request lightly. It is a devastating request. Devastating, of course, only to our natural selves and the personal desires that we love to cling on to. Yet often, it is only through this utter devastation that we truly learn to die to self and love God more than anything in this world.

I asked the Lord, that I might grow

In faith, and love, and every grace;

Might more of His salvation know,

And seek more earnestly His face.

I hoped that in some favoured hour

At once He'd answer my request,

And by His love's constraining power

Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel

The hidden evils of my heart;

And let the angry powers of hell

Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed

Intent to aggravate my woe;

Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,

Blasted my gourds, and laid me low. 

"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried,

"Wilt thou pursue Thy worm to death?"

" 'Tis in this way," the Lord replied,

"I answer prayer for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ

From self and pride to set thee free;

And break thy schemes of earthly joy,

That thou may'st seek thy all in me."

- John Newton

When life feels a little boring...

Here is a great reminder in the words of C. S. Lewis,

"Christianity agrees with Dualism that this universe is at war. But it does not think this is a war between independent powers. It thinks it is a civil war, a rebellion, and that we are living in a part of the universe occupied by the rebel. Enemy-occupied territory--that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us to take part in a great campaign of sabotage. When you go to church you are really listening-in to the secret wireless from our friend: that is why the enemy is so anxious to prevent us from going. He does it by playing on our conceit and laziness and intellectual snobbery..."

This is how I like to think about the Christian life. Boring? Never! It's like fighting in the most epic science fiction movie of good vs. evil... except it is not a movie; it is not fiction; and the battle is already won. How awesome is that? Fight on! 

Richly Blessed

I asked for health that I might do greater things;

I was given infirmity that I might do better things. 

I asked God for strength that I might achieve;

I was made weak that I might learn to obey. 

I asked for riches that I might be happy;

I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power and the praise of men;

I was given weakness to sense my need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;

I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing I asked for but everything I hoped for;

In spite of myself, my prayers were answered -

I am among all men most richly blessed.

Life Lesson

Over my entire life it seems, I have ever so slowly been learning just one thing - Not my will, but Thy will be done. "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above", but even good and beautiful things become an idol when we desire these gifts more than the Gift-giver. Even when God take away or withhold good gifts, I will give thanks for this is how He draw me closer to Him. As David prays, "O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You." So please Lord, strip me of my idols, take away my sins, purge away any choking thorns, strip me until I am bare... until I am Yours and Yours alone. 

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord 

Hurricane - Jimmy Needham