random, incoherent, unorganized thoughts because this is not an English essay and I don't feel like organizing them

throughout this year i've come to realize that happiness is such a variable term. and i've come to realize more and more that being happy doesn't depend on external circumstances but from within. the truly blessed aren't those who always achieves their dreams, but are those who can be happy in every situation.

so this junior year was tough. and sure the confining school campus, gloomy oppressive weather, and the heaping piles of work to do gets me down. but after awhile i came to a certain point of oblivion and apathy (which may be a good or bad thing) and thinking... why do I let the such stupid trivial things get me down? in a course of a lifetime, does it matter? and i concluded that everything was vain, everything was for pride, for image, for pressure and conformity. "Everything is meaningless, a chasing after the wind" as Solomon puts it in Ecclesiastes. So what?

And success is rather, well... overrated. and to think that success brings happiness is the greatest folly of all. The anticipation before a roller coaster is always more fearful than the actual drop, the excitement always exceeds reality, the pursuit of a dream always more potent than the actual prize. And nothing can put this into words more eloquently than Emily Dickinson's poetry:
"Nor was I hungry; so I found
That hunger was a way
Of persons outside windows,
The entering takes away."